New Zealand

They live in New Zealand

When you first arrive, you may find New Zealanders nearly incomprehensible, as the local version of English makes do with only one vowel, pronounced something like: ‘unh’. Ironically, they will immediately tell you that you ‘have an accent’ and ask where you are from. Shortly afterwards will come the question: ‘so, what do you think of New Zealand?’ New Zealanders’ identity is strongly affected by being stuck down the bottom of the globe, and a fear that they’ll drop out of sight altogether.

Touring Rolling Stone Keith Richards summed it up when he said of southernmost city, Invercargill that it was ‘the arsehole of the world’.

For these reasons, locals will probably shake off their normal shy, defensive manner and go out of their way to be nice to you. Any two-bit celebrity can make national news if they a) make it to New Zealand, and b) say something positive about it.

Kiwi society has its roots in the blending of British settlers and indigenous Maori (who arrived maybe 1,000 years ago). The two cultures have more in common than you’d think – both are descended from explorers who had to carve out a living from the rugged terrain and fickle climate. Intermarriage began from when the first whalers and ships’ runaways drifted ashore in the 1790s and started scoring themselves chiefs’ daughters.

In 1840 the British and Maori signed a treaty that gave the British sovereignty while Maori retained traditional rights. This deal was later trashed as the influx of settlers demanded all the best land and pushed the government into war with Maori. The Maori tribes gave the settlers a run for the money but were overwhelmed by superior numbers. A legal process begun in the 1970s is now slowly providing restitution for the tribes.

For most of the rest of its history New Zealand has been a destination for space-hungry settlers who wanted their own house and a quarter-acre section. New Zealand towns thus became unlovely suburban sprawls that were deathly quiet after 5pm. Travelers apparently used to remark that ‘I went to New Zealand on a Sunday, but it was closed’.

The country has had something of a social revolution in the last twenty-five years. Major economic and trade liberalization has created a consumer society happily wallowing in credit card debt. The stolid, British-style cuisine has been ditched as New Zealanders have embraced Mediterranean and Asian approaches to preparing their own seafood, wine and produce. The Maori have rediscovered their culture and resurrected a language that was about to die out. And Auckland especially has seen a major influx of immigrants from the Pacific and southeast Asia.

Beneath it all, New Zealand society remains a little dour and conservative, with a frontier culture’s admiration for practical skills and disdain for anyone who uses too many big words. But it also has a strong egalitarian streak and New Zealanders cherish an instinctive belief that everyone deserves a ‘fair go’. They have an independent, contrarian tendency that is occasionally expressed in fits of progressive politics, such as when New Zealand became the first country to give women the vote or when it refused to accept visits by US nuclear warships in the 1980s.

Maori have an international image as fierce and threatening, thanks the All Blacks rugby team’s pre-game haka, or war dance. This image does have a basis in reality and cultural shows put on for tourists often feature a blood-curdling challenge by a grass-skirted warrior with full facial tattoos. However, travelers who drift into Maori-dominated rural areas in the north and east of the North Island will find generally laid-back people with a deft sense of humour. The All Blacks haka was actually written by a famous warrior chief about running away from a pursuing enemy and hiding in a pit under an old woman’s skirts. The words contain a wry reference to having his face stuck in her pubic hair.

Almost all have Maori people now have some European blood, and most live in urban areas. Predictably for an indigenous group, they’ve ended up bottom of all the health, education and crime stats. The film Once Were Warriors gives a notoriously graphic depiction of one family’s descent into domestic violence, which would put many off going anywhere near New Zealand, if it weren’t for the fact that it’s a reality travelers are very unlikely to experience.

In fact, as an Interesting Foreigner, you will probably find New Zealanders from most backgrounds helpful and eager to show you hospitality. In the countryside especially, you will be treated warmly and may be invited to barbeque, taken fishing or invited to camp on someone’s land. To sustain this good will, the best thing you can do is show a degree of modesty. The flip side of the famed Kiwi egalitarianism is contempt for anyone considered boastful. Almost the worst thing that New Zealander can say about you is that you’re ‘up yourself’.

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