By Tom Thumb, Posted Mar 23, 2007
Sections: Intro 1. Bombay 2. Dubai 3. Liverpool & Manchester 4. Any American Suburb 5. Guatemala City 6. Sao Paolo 7. Beijing 8. Singapore 9. Milan 10. Cancun Comments about this guide?
What do you call a Liverpudlian in a suit?
The accused.
Liverpool may have produced the Beatles and Manchester the worlds most famous football team but those are scarcely reasons for actually visiting the places. Whilst the cities do actually have a good deal more humour and wit then some of the industrial towns in northern England – it’s grim up north – Liverpool and Manchester are as depressing places as you’re likely to find anywhere.
To begin with, the scousers (the inhabitants of Liverpool, so named after a truly revolting sauce called scouse) and the Mancunians are renowned for being incorrigible scallywags and conmen. Take Bez, the Freaky Dancing guy from the Happy Mondays who used to take a pork pie into a pub, ask for a sip from a friend’s beer and then cough a mouthful of crumbs into the glass – which he naturally ended up inheriting.
But whilst the locals can be entertaining on a good day, the weather is shit, heroin is epidemic (but meth is catching on) and you’ve got a better chance of thugs putting you in hospital for no apparent reason than in any other part of England – and that’s saying something.
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