Britain

Flights to the UK

A whole plethora of low cost no frills airlines started up in England though and now it’s cheaper to fly there than to go by train or boar. Ryan Air, Easy Jet and others now fly to most points in Europe and even some African and Middle East destinations.

Otherwise London is a cheap flight centre and so is a good place to head to as your launch pad to anywhere else on the planet.

Boats

Britain used to be an island but now there’s a tunnel… so okay it’s still an island but now you can catch the train there if you don’t fancy the boat crossing from Calais (France) to Dover. There are also boat crossings to Holland but not for those with weak stomachs. The trip across costs about $30 for a foot passenger, depending on the season.

There are also ferries between Wales and Ireland, including Swansea-Cork and Holyhead-Dun Laoghaire.

Travelling around Britain

Buses

The buses in Britain work out cheaper than the trains but they’re mostly a complete pain, getting stuck in traffic and taking twice as long as the train. They’re good for getting to the airport as very often you won’t need to get off and change as you would on the train but that’s about it.

You can check out prices and routes at National Express Buses.

Trains

Trains in Britain used to be a national industry and British Rail was also a national joke. They famously halted services on one autumn day, stranding passengers everywhere because there were ‘leaves on the track’. On another occasion train services were cancelled in January because the ‘wrong kind of snow’ had fallen.

So when Margaret Thatcher (may she be reborn as a male preying mantris) decided to privatize the trains no one except the socialists were that upset. The trains in England now belong to a handful of companies, each more incompetent and extortionate than the other. You can blow the better part of your budget just getting from a-b in England and you may well be in the same shitty carriages that made British Rail such a joke.

The ticket inspectors are now much more stern also and it’s become harder to bunk the trains without a ticket. (Ah, where are the golden days when 7 travelers would lock themselves in the toilet for the entire journey?) If you’re a foreigner however you can always just blag it by claiming to have lost your wallet, speak no English and give a false address. They’re unlikely to come after you.

Flights

The UK may me a relatively small island but as the hearth of low cost airlines like Easy Jet and Ryan Air, if you’re travelling between England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland then it might actually work out cheaper with a budget flight.

Hitchhiking

Hitchhiking in England and Britain is pretty good provided you keep to petrol stations. There you have a much better chance at hassling car drivers and they may well be too embarrassed to say no. The British are a decent bunch over all but their reserve and timidity often stops them from opening up to strangers.

Local Transport

Buses

It was no surprise that Al Queda planted a bomb on the English red double decker bus, as much a symbol of England as the tea bag. Many commuters have doubtlessly wished to do the same as buses get stuck in traffic in the cities but it’s the only cheap way of getting around.

Taxis

Very expensive and they fill your ears with cliches for the whole trip. Still, you can always play the Platitudes Game:

“Looks like rain again, hey?”

“Never rains but it pours.”

“Still, good for the crops…”

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