Britain

Population: 60 million

Languages: There’s a joke that goes: A person who speaks three languages is trilingual. Someone who speaks two languages is bilingual. And a man who speaks just one language is an Englishman. But you will hear a whole multitude of languages spoken by the international and immigrant communities.

Race: English, Welsh, Scottish, Irish, Indian, Pakistani and a whole load of other immigrant populations who have finally made it possible to eat well in Britain. It’s been suggested that British immigration policies have been based on this principle.

Religion: Various kinds of Christianity, some Islam and Hinduism Football.

Government: Warlike democracy. Used to rule the whole world. Now just helps bomb it once in a while.

Visas and Overstays

British immigration are not very nice. Look the part and be very clear about your travel plans. If you’re from outside the EU then it’s a good idea to give an address of friends in the country – if you don’t have that option then it doesn’t cost you anything to reserve a hotel room by telephone before you get there.

Once inside the country no one is going to have any idea about how long you’re allowed to stay and no one will ever ask to see your passport.

When to Travel in Britain

Britain is a temperate island famed for its shitty weather. In reality, it does as well as most of Northern Europe but the British are far better at complaining about the weather than anyone else so the cliche lives on. Scotland and the north get the worst of the bad weather, a fact that the southerners never fail to rub in.

Britain is perhaps at its best during the long summer days of June and July when it stays light until around 10 at night. If the weather is good then it’s a great time to go walking in the country or find a good pub garden somewhere. In August there’s occasionally a three day heatwave and then, guess what, the British start complaining about the heat.

Autumn can be magical with plenty of falling leaves, crackling underfoot and climaxing with Guy Fawkes Day on November the 5th, when families terrorise household pets by letting off missiles in their back gardens. The organised displays are awesome though.

Winter is long, dark and miserbable, unless of course you like being cold, wet and deprived of sunlight. It starts in November and reluctantly releases its grip in March, though snow can still fall in northern parts of the country. Ne’er cast a clout til May is out’ goes the old saying – or in English, don’t take off your coat until June.

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