Cuba

Population: 435 residents and falling!

Religion: Muslim to a man, one of life’s funny little coincidences.
Languages spoken: Arabic, Peshtun, Farsi, Daru and others.

Race: Mostly Arabic wanderers and a whole bunch of Afghani trekkers but with 42 nationalities, you’ll find people from every corner of the globe here.

Government: Although Guantanamo is in Cuba, it’s in a nice, friendly American part, in a bay granted to America by the first Cuban President, Tomas Estrada Palma – an American, too!

Getting There and Away

Guantanamo Bay Holiday Camp is one of those places that are easier to find than leave behind. Oddly enough, your best way of getting in (there’s something of a waiting list and they’re very selective) is if you can manage to get yourself over to Iraq or Afghanistan and make the right kind of connections.

Naturally it helps if you have an Arabic or Afghani background but in the days of zero discrimination they’ll consider anyone. You can even help out the locals if you let them act as brokers for your admission applications – all you have to do is pretend to be affiliated with Al Qaeda and they can collect a bonus for handing you into the US army. Many are the guests who had no plans to even come to Guantanamo until they won the lottery, so to speak, and their own private escort arrived to take them away.

Leaving Guantanamo is no easy affair. You’ll miss the food, the friends you made and that magical Cuban evening air. Now, remember all those question time game sessions? Well, they’ll let you go as long as you admit that they won. They’ll also want you to keep the Guantanamo Bay experience under your belt and make you sign a piece of paper that you won’t reveal the secrets of the ultimate holiday experience to the rest of the world – in a competitive world of military camp tourism, you’ll understand the need for non-disclosure. Go on, be a sport.

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