Travel Ideas

Milan

The first thing you think when you arrive in Milan Central Train Station is ‘who the fuck would ever want to live in a shithole like this?’

Italy is a country full of charm, friendly people and culture. Milan has next to none of these qualities, unless you include rich people gaping at anorexic models prancing around on a catwalk in absurdly-priced fashion creations as culture.

Milan is an unfriendly, concrete city where the only person likely to talk to you will be one of the junkies camped around the train station, trying to persuade you into funding his smack habit whilst his mate picks your pocket from the other side.

Milan is expensive, it’s big and no one has any time. If you don’t know anyone you’re nobody. If you don’t spend three quarters of your salary on your suit, you’re nobody. In fact, the only way to actually be somebody in a town like Milan is to arrive in a sports car, wearing the latest Armani suit and with a good supply of cocaine to get into that Milano mood.

The weather is smoggy, the people are uptight and consider how a person looks is more important than actually being one. The only thing for the smart traveler to do is jump on a train south to Rome.

Check out the Italy Travel Guide for more