England

England has only 5 channels and no one watches the 5th one.

England has only 5 channels and no one watches the 5th one.

(We’ll pause for a moment and allow the Americans to overcome their sense of shock and horror.)

BBC 1 and 2 are run by the British Broadcasting Corporation, which basically means it’s a national institution and it has no commercials. That kind of thing would be almost illegal in many countries where television only exists to sell.

The BBC is funded by the television licence that anyone in England who owns a television must pay. TV detector vans make the round with aerials they say can detect the presence of a television and those caught watching TV without a licence (what a funny thought) can be fined hundreds of pounds.

It’s not to say that English television hasn’t caught on to the spirit of media consumerism as there’s still ITV and Channels , 4 and 5. But even on these commercial channels there are nowhere near as many ads as in the US.

So here’s a quick guide to the TV stations:

BBC 1 – Soap operas, sports, movies, news. Run of the mill, establishment TV.

BBC 2 – the intellectual’s channel, has more refined sports like snooker and cricket, alternative comedy and movies.

ITV – The crass media channel, this is TV for the masses with ridiculous game shows, Hollywood movies.

Channel 4 – Originally an alternative channel showing weird and wonderful media, these days it’s still good for foreign movies and cool documentaries but has succumbed to the media buzz for reality TV.

Soap operas

There are a variety of long running soap operas on English television and they almost all hold one unifying factor – all the characters and plotlines are utterly depressing. Nothing good ever happens, no one smiles or laughs (unless it’s at someone else’s expense) and the basic meaning of life seems to be: Oh well, mustn’t grumble.

Still, the English soap operas are followed religiously by millions and on the bright side have helped the English masses understand social phenomena as Aids, gay relations and racism.

Daytime TV

The bulk of daytime viewing these days seems to be: ‘Sandra and Michael have bought their dream house in Wales for half a million and now they want to do it up for another half a million – our experts went to help them pick out curtains’.

What can we deduce from this? The English economy is all about ownership of property – either you have it and you worry about that antique fireplace, or you don’t and you continue to pay a quarter of your earnings to have a roof over your head.

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