England

With binge drinking currently all the rage and the police forces at full stretch on weekends, it’s yet to be seen what effect all night drinking will have on the English livers

The English pub is a fundamental part of English culture and an institution in itself. It’s been the mainstay of English social life for hundreds of years and has arguably been one of the domestic tranquilisers ever invented – “The revolution starts at closing time!” Is the popular cry.

The English pub is very distinct from the American bar for all kinds of vague reasons. In the end the difference is largely a question of feel but there are certain indicators:

1. A pub will often have carpet from wall to wall, ideal for trapping the traditional scents of tobacco, spilt beer and vomit.
2. A pub is somewhere the same people go every day, year after year until they eventually collapse in a mental seizure from repeating the same old lines of conversation.
3. A pub is not a cool place to go and hang out. You don’t have to dress up or even be that social. The primary purpose is to drink pints of beer and get sentimental when a certain song comes on the juke box.

Okay, we can’t think of any more reasons but the carpet and dodgy wallpaper have to be strong contenders. One thing’s for sure, in England a large part of the population are very keen on the warm brown water that they consider to be beer. It doesn’t travel well so you’re unlikely to find it elsewhere which many will consider a blessing of nature. The fizzy, chemical brews from the Continent are making more of an impact these days but tradition smoulders strong in England.

Pubs are usually called something daft like “The Bucket and Spade” or “The Horse and Groom”, a remainder of ye olde days of inns, bards and highwaymen. In modern times new chain pubs are sweeping the country, a particular garish and popular example being Wetherspoons – named after the founder’s geography teacher who declared he ‘would never amount to much’.

The most striking feature of English pubs is that although they’re the only places to go out and socialise at night (apart from the dreaded night club), they have been obliged to close at 11pm since the Second World War. In the days of the Blitz it was important to have the lights out early and no one thought to change the laws afterwards.

Until 2005 when licences for late hours started to be given out, meaning that the English will no longer have to cram a whole night’s drinking into a couple of hours. This latter feature has been responsible for a great deal of violence as the younger, hormonally-charged drinkers often get rowdy at closing time. They spill out of the pubs, over to the kebab shop and then either pick a fight or throw up in the gutter.

With binge drinking currently all the rage and the police forces at full stretch on weekends, it’s yet to be seen what effect all night drinking will have on the English livers. Will society break down as everyone drinks until the point of collapse every night or will the English instead learn to pace themselves, pausing for breath between pints?

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