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The Chinese Olympics in Hell

The Olympics have opened in Beijing and we couldn’t give a fuck.

Oh, China! That mythical land of martial arts and calligraphy, temple bells and dragons, Taoist wisdom and Oriental secrets!

Dream on.

For no matter how many times over-excited presenters gabble on about how gunpowder was invented in China and it’s no surprise they excel at the fireworks in the opening ceremony, it’s still hell. A miserable police state with no human rights.

So just for fun Road Junky would like to hand out some medals in advance of all the sweaty sporting events.

GOLD medal to China for leading number of executions. Amnesty estimated around 1700 people were killed by the police last year. Some estimates go much higher though, even above the 10,000 mark. Sporting rules are rather lax here and all it really takes is a policeman, a nearby wood and a pistol. On your marks, get set and… you’re dead.

GOLD medal to China for the largest number of sweat shops in the world. China has become the global factory where all your favourite brands go to get cheap garments made. Hell, about half the goods in your house probably come from China these days as underpaid (often unpaid) workers are forced to mass-produce consumer goods with no bathroom breaks. Complain and they get fined, sacked or beaten up.

Only a BRONZE medal to China for state terrorism as the USA and Russia are well ahead in the bomb-other-countries-to-bits rallies. Still, they deserve to be on the podium for their stamina in occupying and exploiting another country; Tibet.

SILVER medal to China for environmental destruction. Not content with poisoning their own people with ‘slightly polluted’ air that is 7 times higher than the accepted safe standards, China does a great job at destroying the environment of other countries, too. Take a trip to places like Laos and Vietnam in the spring and watch them burn down the forests to plant rubber for the new Chinese powerhorse economy.

Well, we could go on. There are all kinds of events like the rewriting of history, harvesting of organs of practitioners of Falun Gong, snitching to the police on your neighbours and brainwashing the population to believe in their own national superiority but… well, the competition quickly gets quite intense.

The cream of the world’s athletes are heading to beautiful Beijing to run, track and field but we find it hard to give a damn. It’s bad enough that the jeans we wear and the tents we use and the pots we cook with are paid for by the suffering of Chinese peasants. Do we really need to stand for the Chinese anthem too?